Thursday, March 09, 2006

The topics that matter in life

As you must know by now, I like to tell it how it is. I don't beat about the bush. I don't skirt around the edges of the topics that really matter - I get right in there and poke them with a big stick til they yelp.

So, I would like to put to you a question that I can guarantee every single one of you will have grappled with at some point in your lives.

When suffering from Diarrhoea and need to go immediately in a public loo, or perhaps in the office, what is the best way of doing it quietly so no-one else can hear? Do you just go for the quick splurge, or try and control it's decent into the bowl at a slower pace?

It's a horrible affliction made 100 times worse by the embarrassment factor. If, by bringing these things into the open, I can reduce the embarrassment factor for everyone then my work here will be done.

That's my excuse anyway.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Put a sizeable wad of loo paper in the bowl first - stops the splashs and the noise.
Downside is that increases the smell.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

Count the occupied cubicles. Take a seat, clench really hard, counting the number of door squeaks, flushes, kicking the paper towel bins etc. until the place is empty and then let rip.

Alternatively, just let rip, and follow it with "that's the last time I attend a meeting with --insert name--. They're so full of crap I ended up absorbing is all by osmosis."

7:31 PM  

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