Stand up comics and the police.

Nick, Alison, Rhiannon and me went to The Stand Comedy Club last night. The BBC contingent were talent spotting, whereas I was just tagging along for the free ride.

In my opinion, (which doesn’t count so I can say this) we didn’t spot much talent. One of the guys was AWFUL. No-one was laughing, least of all me and Nick. This was because his act was basically: “Fucking English Bastards, we are so hard done by, and it’s all the English’s fault, mind you Scotland is just as shit, god life is so shit; we live in such a shit country, fucking English Bastards.” Etc etc.

Change the record. I wouldn’t mind him slagging off England if he was actually funny and had something valid to say. But he didn’t. He was just stupid.

The guy that Nick was actually there to see was quite funny although the funniest thing about him was his stage photo. In his promotion he looks chiselled, moody and gorgeous. In reality he was chubby, cheerful and camp as you like.

This afternoon we had a seminar from the Police on how to design our buildings to reduce crime. Sounds dull, but it was actually really interesting. For me the best bit was watching one of my colleagues sweat as the two police officers came into our office. He pulled me to one side and said ‘I hope they are not from our local police station.’ ‘Why, have you been arrested lately?’ I asked. ‘No’, he said, ‘but I was chased the time I blew up a tree with deodorant cans.'