Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Special talents

Mums always tell their children that everyone in the world has one exceptional talent that makes them special and unique in the world. This is a well meaning attempt at bolstering a child’s confidence and belief that they can make something of themselves in the world.

My best special talent is Tongue Gymnastics. This includes poking my tongue up my nostrils, wrapping it around in weird shapes, and folding it in half. My other special talent is having an extremely loud and carrying belly laugh. This can be heard rebounding around which ever building I am in.

I struggle to imagine how either of these gifts would ever help me ‘get on’ in the world. However I need despair no longer! I have discovered a new talent that could be of great use, had I more dubious moral values. It would seem I am a dab hand with a crow bar.

Last night Nick struggled to dismantle some built-in wardrobes for ages, and abandoned the attempt in disgust. I pitched up, wielding my crow bar with a scary amount of skill, and had the job done in a flash. When we started on the second set of wardrobes I taught Nick all my innate and inborn skills. He soon started enquiring where I had learnt my crow bar techniques, and how come I knew so much about leverage?

Perhaps this is evidence of a past life? So much for hoping I used to be an aristocratic lady poet swooning on a chaise longe in my Morning room with blue silk curtains. It seems that I used to be burglar. I bet I was a cockney with a big red lumpy nose living in a lodging house in a sooty back street. I bet I was known throughout the criminal underworld as the bloke who can get you in anywhere, using only a slim crow bar that I conceal in my trousers, undetectable to any passing policemen.

Does anyone wish to confess their special talent?

PS I knew a boy at school who could breathe throuh his ears.


Anonymous Grace said...

I can roll my r's up to a pitch so high, only dogs can hear it! I believe i demonstrated this to you in Ireland!

12:17 PM  
Blogger rach said...

Yeah, but everyone knows you're a freak of nature

12:23 PM  
Blogger Tony Ruscoe said...

I can carry two standard-sized pint glasses full of beer in each hand without either supporting the other one in any way. That always seems to impress people. I've only dropped one once while doing this too.

I can also make myself look about 8 months pregnant when I stick my belly out, although that's much easier to do now than it was several years ago.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Tracy said...

I have a ratchet in my thumb - which makes the joint click and my thumb jump from side to side - very freaky - oh yes I can also turn my eyelids inside out. I also used to be able to read the hallmarks on jewellry with the naked eye, but since my eyesight started to fail - that one is no longer on the list:)

6:46 AM  
Blogger Christian Briddon said...

I can sit comfortably in the Full Lotus position for many hours and have always been very bendy. I can also clap with one hand.

If you ever decide to take up you life of crime again please tell me so I can give you the model number of the plasma TV I would like. :-)

7:02 AM  
Anonymous rach said...

How do you clap with one hand????.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Christian Briddon said...

I can clap with one hand because it is a special talent. :-)

I'll show you the next time we meet.

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi I'm Jessica and my special talent is that I can clap my hands really so loud it hurts your ears! I'm only 15 now but one day I hope to have an attempt at the world record for loudest clap.


10:56 AM  

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