Accidentally escaping flatulence
The dreaded horror! It happened to me yesterday. I was in a meeting with a client and a Contractor and for some reason we were sitting on the floor. The big drawings were spread all about and we were on our hands and knees discussing them.
As I rearranged my limbs and manoeuvred myself into a sitting position a fart accidentally escaped with a small neat ‘parp’
At the precise moment of the renegade trump my client was mid sentence, so hopefully she didn’t hear. Also at the critial point the builders outside turned on the digger so I’m hoping my traitorous fart was mistaken for the rumble of the machinery.
After the intial shock of hoping no-one heard there is then the 10 second delay during which you wrack your brains to remember what you ate for tea last night, and the probability of the fart turning poisonous. What an interminable 10 seconds it was too.
Thankfully (and unusually, as my family and spouse will vouch) it was totally odourless.
I think I got away with it.
Moral of the story.
Do not conduct business meetings on your hands and knees. That is the position the medical profession recommend for the easiest passage of trapped wind, and the NHS have saved £millions by using this method instead of drugs to treat the problem in elderly patients.
As I rearranged my limbs and manoeuvred myself into a sitting position a fart accidentally escaped with a small neat ‘parp’
At the precise moment of the renegade trump my client was mid sentence, so hopefully she didn’t hear. Also at the critial point the builders outside turned on the digger so I’m hoping my traitorous fart was mistaken for the rumble of the machinery.
After the intial shock of hoping no-one heard there is then the 10 second delay during which you wrack your brains to remember what you ate for tea last night, and the probability of the fart turning poisonous. What an interminable 10 seconds it was too.
Thankfully (and unusually, as my family and spouse will vouch) it was totally odourless.
I think I got away with it.
Moral of the story.
Do not conduct business meetings on your hands and knees. That is the position the medical profession recommend for the easiest passage of trapped wind, and the NHS have saved £millions by using this method instead of drugs to treat the problem in elderly patients.
posted by Rach at 10:32
7 Comments:
Ooh how I giggle at your story!
Did you get my e-mail about tomorrow - are you still ok to meet up?
Speak to you soon,
L xx
Thanks for sharing!
Rach, your blog never fails to make me laugh and cheer me up!
I was round Jane's there and saw the quilt. It's really fab! X
Why are we British soooo embarrassed by farts and poos and wees? EVERYBODY does them and yet we still manage to get totally mortified by our perfectly normal bodily functions. I'm glad it wasn't a smelly one though!
had to read this twice - laughed my socks off each time!
your blog is a tonic
t x
So funny! I love that you are able to tell about this!
Just found your blog - it really made me larf!!!
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