Wednesday, September 19, 2007

'Quick but shoddy' back in business

Long standing readers will remember our last bout of frantic house renovations, and the creation of the QBS brand. Well, the 'Quick but Shoddy' team is back in business, and had thier first proper job last night.

Enthusiasically I donned my old jeans and set about trying to lag the hot water tank. Much more easily said than done. The instructions showed a lovely clean, accessible tank, sitting by itself in a well-lit loft. My tank is wedged in the corner if a tiny triangular eaves space that’s criss-crossed with pipes, filthy dirty, and in the pitch dark.

Undaunted I squeezed my torso into the space, trying not to impale my head on the nails sticking through from the slates. From this uncomfortable position I was able to reach the front half of the tank. I wedged a torch in between some bits of roof structure and cursed Nick for going out.

Instruction 1
Arrange the 4 insulation panels evenly around the tank.

Reality 1
Holding the top of the first panel, throw it over the tank and hope it doesn’t snag on anything. Reach as far as you can and attempt to pull down the panel, feeling your way through the dark and grime. Give up. Note that, if you ever have children in the future, you can send them in to finish the job.
Wedge the second panel as best as you can between the tank and the wall. Drape the third and fourth panel neatly as these are the ones you can kind of reach.

Instruction 2
Using the chord provided, tie the 4 panels together through the eyelets, pulling them tightly.

Reality 2
Drop the chord provided down the back of the tank. Find shoe lace. Tie panels using granny knot.

Instruction 3
After ensuring there are no gaps between the panels, use the tapes provided to secure the panels to the tank. Space the tapes evenly down the tank and tie securely.

Reality 3
Due to the tank being wedged against the wall using the tapes to wrap around the circumference of the tank will be difficult, nay impossible. Persevere until you get one of the tapes around the top section of the tank. Resort to using parcel tape to stick the panels to each other. A useful technique to employ for this task is peeling back an inch of tape, then launching yourself at the tank, arms outstretched, hoping that you can reach the edge of the back panel that you can’t see. Shut the access hatch to the eaves. Have shower to remove black 100 year old dirt. Job done.

I should write a book based on my vast knowledge and skill.

Glamometer rating: 0.4


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